The Silver Lining
by PurpleGrl
Summary: Based on Silver Linings Playbook. Nick is psychologically damaged after an 'incident' and struggling to cope in the real word with his condition while trying to get his wife Caroline back. This is until he meets clinically depressed, Jessica Day. Together in a friendship like no other they try to help each other cope with their conditions and problems in 'normal' everyday life.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone so this is a new girl fanfic based on the book and film: Silver Linings Playbook which is my favourite book of all time. So I hope you like it.**

**I must of course thank the wonderful: _Read it out loud_ who has helped me a great deal with this story and helped me make it as accurate as possible.**

"One, two, three, four," I grunt as I move my sweaty body up and down in time to the counts I'm barking out to myself, feeling my biceps contract and relax. I'm not just working on my body though, I use this time for self reflection and how my life is in this mental institution/behavioural hospital or 'the bad place' as I like to call it. Today I decide I'm having another good day like I usually have for one week in the blissful state of happiness before moving down quickly into the crushing depression that follows the week after which I'm not looking forward to. However right now I'm as happy as I can get and that's all that counts for now. Not even looking around my cold, stark assigned room can bring me down today. Besides even if it does depress me a little I just keep looking at the tiny silver keychain that Caroline gave me for our one month wedding anniversary. It has two swans with their necks entwined in the shape of a heart, a symbol of our everlasting love according to her and I can't believe I managed to smuggle it through.

They confiscated everything when I arrived here eight months ago, my iPod, my phone, my wallet, even my wedding ring for fear that I would have another 'episode,' that's what the doctors and my mom call it anyway when they think I can't hear them. Anyway so when I noticed they didn't check my shirt front pocket which is where I keep it I jumped at the chance to take it to my room as it was something that was finally mine and not the bad places. As hard as it is to believe seeing as I know that I have problems within my head but that small keychain is the only thing that has kept me sane. Or as sane as I can be for someone who goes from being elated to the other end of the spectrum and being severely depressed in the space of two weeks, having type two bipolar sure sucks I can tell you. You try and be locked up somewhere for 8 months with only doctors and your friend Winston to talk to without losing your mind.  
Anyway it's something to concentrate on, true love I mean. If I have something to concentrate on then I forget about my life in the bad place which believe me is a good thing. I also concentrate on my goal which one of the doctors told me to set for myself when I first arrived here which is to make myself better for Caroline. Starting with my body hence the push ups. I guess over the course so far of our three year marriage I had gained around fifty pounds and that six pack I first had when she met me was long gone. She liked the man she first met and she said she always like a man with a developed upper body so maybe if I can get back to how I used to be, 'break time' can be over.

So everyday I get up at seven thirty, eat breakfast, go to a group meeting then do four hundred press ups followed by five hundred sit-ups with no interruptions before lunch without fail. The exercise is my pattern which according to the doctors is a good thing for now, at least I'm not focusing on how to build a gun or how to kill myself with my bed sheets which is apparently what most people who come here do.

In the afternoon after lunch I'm allowed a one hour outside break, then I meet my personal counsellor Dr. Parker, and go to a second group meeting. They give us the option of reading a book instead of going to a second group meeting but once I start reading a book, I have to keep reading it until the end so that means I end up being late for dinner which isn't allowed. So they make me go to a group meeting instead. Finally I have dinner, another outside break, where I play cards with Winston (even though he cheats) and then bed. That's the bad place's set timetable so none of our patterns are disrupted and therefore less of us are angry and so it is less hard work for them.

So right now on press up number three hundred and eighty six I continue to move despite the stifling hot august weather which threatens my body's healthy temperature to overheat as I continue to work out hard. When I reach four hundred and am about to start my sit-ups my mom walks in to my room. Something which never happens. Whenever she visits me we are only a allowed to meet in one of the communal areas and never in my room so I know that something is definitely up.

"Nicky," she says gently in her soft Philadelphian accent. "How you doing?

To that I just grunt. I'm fed up with everyone asking me that, the doctors my mom, even my friend Schmidt when he occasionally visits. Everyone puts on that same smile, tilt their head to the side and ask me how I'm doing.

Do you want to come home with me today?" She asks suddenly, catching me off guard.

However I continue to ignore her and carry on doing sit-ups, digesting what she is saying while spying on her face in my peripheral vision. She is offering me a chance to finally leave the bad place, of course I want to accept but I'm sure there's a catch.

"Why?" I ask, narrowing my eyes suspiciously.

"You've served your court sentence so I appealed to let you out early because I want you home, we want you home. Me, Hank, Schmidt, your dad."

To that I just laugh, my dad hates me and we both know it, he thinks I'm mental and a waste of space. I heard him rant it to my mum shortly after my 'episode' before I was taken here against my will. Well he's the one that missed out on my childhood with all his cons, so no wonder he doesn't know me and thinks I'm a psychopath. He's the waste of space if you ask me but nobody ever does.

"C'mon Nicky dear, you can continue your pattern at home. I know what meds you have to take for your condition and when you have to take them. I miss you Nicky and I want my son back at home where he belongs."

Reluctantly I accept but I'm still suspicious and so I pack what few clothes I have and with granted permission I make my way over to Winston's room to say goodbye. I met Winston on the first day that I came to the bad place and he helped me more then I could ever repay him. I was sitting on a bench during the outside break time after lunch, confused and frustrated, holding back tears of hurt, anger and sadness. He saw me and sat down next to me and said:

"I know exactly what you're going through, we all are." He gestured around to all the others and put an arm around me.  
"I cried on my first day and I can tell you want to too, don't worry it happened to all of us so no one is gonna judge you, let it all out man."

In a weird way that was the kindest thing that someone has ever said to me because he reassured me and let me know I wasn't the only one going through hell. Ever since then we became firm friends, perhaps just as good friends as me and my old best friend Schmidt who I met in college. Winston and I were there for each other for the good days and of course the bad days, we both helped each other a great deal and I was gonna miss him so much.

I interrupt Winston's 'mellow music class' and as soon as he sees me he notes the the bag in my hand and puts two and two together very quickly. We've both seen this happen so many times with other guys so we both know the drill.

"Good luck man," He pulls me in for a man hug and wishes me well.

"Promise me you'll let me know when you get out," I instruct him.

"I will, goodbye Nick." He smiles before going back to his 'mellow music class'. It's his pattern, like how mine is exercise.

Everyone in life tries to forget the dark spaces in our minds, Dr. Parker says, but we all have to try that extra bit harder, look for the good in the bad, find the silver lining in that cloud and especially never pry into the dark spaces in out minds. When I repeated this to Winston after Dr. Parker told me this he just laughed and said: "what a load of crap." But privately I think Dr. Parker is right, our whole lives are just a movie produced by God and in order to get that cheesy happy ending like at the end of rom coms we have to try to be good honest people who look for the silver lining in life. By doing this we achieve the happy ending we all want. The ending I want is my wife Caroline back and if it means going through 'break time' then so be it. The ending is all I need so I don't care about the crap that happens along the way.

**As usual thank you for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews hope you like this next chapter!**

The drive home is a quiet one, I can tell my mom is worried and stressed because she's gripping the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles are scarily poking out of her bony hands. I guess I'm not the only one who's lost a lot of weight during my time in the 'bad place'. My mom is not a prejudiced lady but she keeps giving me these little scared looks as if I might flip out on her and try and grab the wheel or something to kill us both. I guess it can't be easy having a messed up son.

"So what have I missed these past eight months?" I ask, trying to attempt some small talk.

"Um well Jamie got married and is now living in Alabama for some reason, Hank got married too and has a little kid on the way and you're father is still you're father," she sighs glancing at me to see my reaction. "He's out of work at the moment so is now doing a bit of illegal book keeping and betting to raise a little bit of cash."

"Well that's nothing new then," I comment, not being able to help myself.

"Nicky he's doing it because he want to open his own restaurant."

"Whatever, so how's Caroline?" I try, broaching the subject, trying to sound casual.

"She's fine, shall we listen to the radio?" my mom tries.

"Has she asked after me?" I ask, ignoring my mums attempt to change the subject.

"She wants you to get better soon."

That simple sentence is enough to keep me going for the rest of the day so I just smile and turn away from my mom and stare out the window, watching us pass from suburb to suburb until we reach a familiar one otherwise know as our neighbourhood. As she pulls into our driveway I can sense that she is reluctant to go in to the house as she spends around fifteen minutes trying to park. Normally one of the things she can do better than my dad.

When we get inside the first thing I hear is the loud roar of football coming from the TV. I can just imagine my dad sitting in his leather chair, refusing to notice my presence as he eats his traditional game snack of beer and nachos and lines up his three remotes in their correct order to insure that his team win. That's what he was like before so I don't see why he'd be any different just cause I've been away for eight months. However when I walk in the living room he actually turns to look at me, he even gets up and offers me a handshake. I can tell he is reluctant to do all of this but I still appreciate the effort he's making.

"Welcome home son," he smiles awkwardly at me. Offering me one of the beers he has in his hand.

"Thanks dad."

"Aww look at you two this is going to be great!" My mum says with fake optimism clasping her hands together. "You can start fresh and move on, a new chapter in your life."

"You're right Mom and it's gonna get even better when I get back together with Caroline."

My dad drops the remaining beer in his hand and my mom inhales sharply as it hits the floor, smashing into millions of pieces as beer flows around wooden floor seeping into the cracks.

"You mean you haven't told him yet," he hisses at my mom.

"I was just about to tell him," she whispers back angrily.

"Tell me what?" I ask, my gut wrenching as I sense that what they are about to tell me I'm not going to like.

"Nothing honey, I'll tell you later."

"No Mom, what do you have to tell me?"

"Nick I don't think." She starts.

"Tell me," I plead.

"Nicky, sweetie how about we take your stuff to your room and I can tell you there."

Anxiously I perch at the edge of my bed, worried about what news she is going to tell me.

"Nicky I lied before in the car, about Caroline." She says, sitting down next to me and rubbing my shoulder sympathetically.

"What is it?"

"She's moved away for a while so you won't be able to see her at all right now." She pauses briefly, letting me digest what she is saying before continuing. "I'm sorry Nicky but it's probably best anyway because of the law."

"What law?"

"I think we should discuss that later, why don't you let this piece of news sink in."

"What law?" I demand gritting my teeth.

"Nick, Caroline took out a year long restraining order against you after the 'incident' just after you were first taken to the centre. You can't call her or have contact her for another four months."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry Nick."

"No your wrong, that never happened," I say in disbelief.

"It did Nicky, it did."

"No it didn't," I insist. "She didn't move away or get a restraining order against me because she wants us to be together."

"Nicky you have to move on," she softly. "Let her go." "And good riddance," she mutters under her breath. I ignore this last sentence because I'm too busy thinking about what she first said.

"I don't want to, I love her and want to be with her." I say desperately. "And she feels the same, she just needs time to realise that."

"Ok Nicky." I can tell she doesn't believe me and that annoys me but I let it go because I still can't process what she has told me.

My mom pulls me in for a hug but I don't really connect with it like I used to. It's like I'm a completely different person to how I was before. Incapable of giving or receiving love

However during this awkward embrace I suddenly realise that it is Caroline's way of telling me when 'break time' will be over. Just another four months and we can be together again and I will be counting down the days until then.

So because I am feeling good today I manage to push it to the back of my mind and for the rest of the afternoon I decide to continue improving myself to prepare for when 'break time' with Caroline ends by reading her favorite books. I got them out of the local library accompanied by my mom to make sure nothing went wrong. She always asked me to read them so we could talk about them together but I refused. I wish I had been a better husband to her then maybe 'the incident' never would have happened. Then again if it hadn't then I wouldn't be who I am today and I realise now that 'the incident' must be Gods way of testing me.

So I start with Caroline's favourite book: Pride and Prejudice. It's a long book and so towards the end of it my eyelids start feel heavy and scratchy and my hands are aching from holding the book but I have to keep reading the book to the end for Caroline. She always said that in order to truly appreciate a book you have to read it from start to finish in one go. So by the time I finish it it's three o' clock in the morning. I agree with Caroline it is a truly a beautiful well written piece of literature and I remind myself to tell her that the next time I see her. It is about two characters that despite their original differences fall in love and it had a happy ending which is what I liked most about it. It proved that happily ever after does exist even if the book is fiction and it reminded me how I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with Caroline after 'break time' like Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy do.  
I am very pleased with myself that I finally managed to read her favourite book and I think how proud she will be when I tell her that I have read it.

As soon as I finish the book I notice the time and decide that it is best to get some sleep for now so I get into my bed, close my eyes and let my dreams take me, ready to spend the whole night dreaming about the woman I love.


	3. Chapter 3

**As always a huge thanks to Read It Out Loud who made this story happen.**

The next morning I am woken up by the sun streaming in through the windows, illuminating the whole room and therefore gently bringing me out of my slumber. It's quite a nice way to wake up I decide, it makes me wake up feeling positive and happy. I instantly decide to go for a run to improve my body for Caroline and to try and sustain my good mood for as long as possible. I quickly pull on some grey sweats and sneakers but I don't know where my thin jacket is so I make do with a black trash bag instead which I cut holes in to fit my arms and head through. Happily I hum to myself as I walk out of my room however just before I am about to leave the house I am stopped by my mom.

"Where are you going Nicky?" She asks worriedly.

"Out for a run."

"Sorry honey you'll have to go for a run later, I need to take you to meet your therapist this morning."

"But." I start to say but she cuts me off sharply.

"Sorry Nicky, no buts your therapist is court mandated therefore you have to go. It was one of the few conditions that your were allowed to leave and stay with us."

Grumpily I sigh and head back up to my room to get changed.

* * *

So I walk along the suburbs near my area feeling the warm summer sun shine it's golden rays onto my skin. I am happy that my good mood has managed to continue throughout the day, even after having a therapy session which always used to make me upset at the bad place because they would dispute my ideas about Caroline and the silver lining.

"Remember you're in the real world Nick," they used to sneer at me. The way I see it, it's better to be an optimist rather than a cynic like them. I like my therapist I decide, he didn't try to interrupt me or tell me what I'm saying is wrong he just listened to me and chatted to me like I was a friend. My mom seemed to warm to him too unlike the other doctors, they were always quite frosty towards her I remember. Maybe that's why she let me walk home on my own I wonder, because she thinks I'm heading in the right direction this time with a therapist that actually supports me.

Another reason I wanted to go home on my own was because my route goes right by my best friend Schmidt's house who I hadn't seen for six months. He used to visit me every couple of weeks but since he became a father, he hasn't really had the time which I understand. So when I walk up the path to his house, I feel excitement and happiness at seeing my best friend again.

"Nick," he cries when he opens the door before giving me a massive bear hug like he usually does. "How are you doing?"

Great not that question again, if I hear one more person ask me that I will scream.

So I just mumble fine and Schmidt continues to prattle on about himself in the usual self obsessed way he does. Not that I mind, ever since I went to the bad place I never have anything much to say anymore. I now prefer listening to other people than talking about myself. He now has a one year old baby daughter called Emily, Schmidt told me about it during one of his few visits. Cece and him were trying but she had some problem with her fertility so they adopted her. Apparently it was 'love at first sight' for all of them.

"...Anyway that leads me too my point, Nick, Cece and I were wondering if you would like to join us for dinner tonight. You can finally meet Emily and Cece might have her best friend come over too.

"I'll have to check with my mom, but I imagine she'd be thrilled that things are going back to normal.." I start before being cut of by Schmidt.

"Great come over at about seven," he beams, clearly thrilled at the chance to entertain a guest that is finally one of his. To put it simply Cece wears the pants in the relationship so before I went to the bad place he would complain about it all the time to me.

"Schmidt have you invited him yet?" I hear Cece yell from inside the house.

"I'm just doing it now!" Schmidt yells back. "C'mon give me a chance woman!"

"I can't wait," I smile , mustering up all the enthusiasm I can give and he gives me a slightly corny thumbs up back. Typical Schmidt.

* * *

At six thirty I ask my mom to drive me to Schmidt's house, Caroline always said that it was better to be an hour earlier than ten minutes late so I decide they won't mind if I half an hour early.

"Hi Nick," Cece smiles falsely at me, she never did like me. "Schmidt's in the living room, come on in."

"Thanks," I say giving her the bouquet of flowers that my mom told me to give to her.

"Nick man," Schmidt cries out like he does every time he sees me. "Thanks for coming!"

"The pleasures all mine," I reply politely.

We small talk for a while but it's not the same anymore, it's almost like he's trying to dumb everything down for me because of my mental problems. Apparently since I have a condition I must also have an extremely low IQ. And I probably shouldn't have worn this football jersey to dinner. I just impulsively put it on and it doesn't compare well to his very fine and knowing him, a very expensive suit complete with a bow tie which he probably spent ages thinking about. When Cece joins us she does the same to undermine me and it's infuriating, but I control it by thinking about Caroline and my annoyance flows away. When we are back together we can both come around here and have a double date with them and with her it will all be better.

All of a sudden there is a loud knock at the door.

"Ah that must be Jess," Schmidt says, stating the obvious like he always does and I can tell by the way Cece smiles at me before she goes to answer the door that she is thinking the same thing.

"Jess!" I hear her cry loudly. "I'm so glad you could make it!"  
"Hey Cece," she unenthusiastically replies. "So who's this loser you want me to meet?"

"That would be me," I smile awkwardly, stepping out into the hallway. I planned to offer her a handshake beforehand to be polite but as soon as I see these big blue eyes, so full of pain like my own I don't know whether to laugh or cry.


End file.
